How does cannabis affect your relationships?

Studies show that cannabis may enable intimacy and empathy, but it can also cloud key emotions and become a burden in relationships.

My love affair with cannabis began well before I ever said “I love you” to a romantic partner. After 15+ years of dating, a time which involved a few serious relationships and many more short-lived sexual encounters, I’ve realised that cannabis has always been present, like a silent third partner supporting, harming or completely overwhelming my love life. 

Like many people, I use cannabis for anxiety, sleep, pain management (particularly period pains) and because it can enhance certain experiences (like sex) in ways that simply make me feel good. Cannabis can also cloud my emotions and, at times, amplify my anxiety, which I’ve realised is not helpful when trying to build romantic relationships based on authenticity and emotional maturity. 

After going down a recent retrospective rabbit hole about cannabis and my own romantic past, (cue Carrie Bradshaw voice over) I couldn’t help but wonder: what does the science say about cannabis, romance and relationships? 

Cannabis research is still in its infancy (given its illegal status across most of the world) and any examination of cannabis’ effects on the body and brain has to be considered with a few big caveats: the type of cannabis used (CBD vs THC, for example), how it was grown, strength of compounds, how it’s processed, how it’s consumed, the psychological and physiological makeup of the end user, and a number of other factors will all differently impact a couple’s experience with cannabis.

Cannabis and sex: sensory overload

A growing number of credible studies examining the connections between cannabis and sex overwhelmingly find positive correlations between cannabis use and pleasurable sexual encounters. It makes sense; our sexual organs contain multiple cannabinoid receptors and cannabis (particularly CBD) acts as a vasodilator, meaning it increases blood flow and enhances nerve sensation which can amplify sexual sensitivity. Cannabis can also help ease pain, anxiety and other discomfort that can otherwise get in the way of sexual satisfaction, and could be especially beneficial for women experiencing side effects from menopause.  

In a 2019 survey of 373 women, more than a third (34%) reported using cannabis before sex. Most reported increases in sex drive, improvement in orgasm and decrease in pain (but no change to lubrication). The same women were more than twice as likely to report satisfactory orgasms than those who did not consume cannabis before sex. 

Similar results were found in a study of how cannabis impacted sex for both men and women (see above graph). Out of 202 participants, more than half said cannabis increased their desire for sex, almost three-quarters reported increased sexual satisfaction and reported  increased sensitivity to touch, and almost two-thirds reported an increased intensity of orgasms.

One small study looking at cannabis and the sexual experiences of ethnic minority men  between the ages of 15-30 in Vancouver, Canada found that cannabis was being used as a means to increase sexual pleasure and lower inhibitions, and as a way to to reduce feelings of anxiety and shame and foster intimacy and connection with sexual partners.

For men, however, evidence suggests that cannabis can feed into sexual performance problems and negatively impact sperm count and concentration. A meta-analysis of research looking at cannabis and erectile dysfunction (ED) found that men who use cannabis were almost four times as likely to suffer from ED compared to controls. But a more recent study on cannabis and male sexual function pointed out the complexities of the research, and found no significant relationship between cannabis use and ED.

Cannabis, emotions and empathy: is it love or is it the drug? 

While cannabis seems to be beneficial to the sex lives of both men and women in many ways, cannabis’ impact on the unseen emotional world — and how it might play a role in romantic relationships — is far harder to measure. Cannabis can be helpful in breaking down emotional walls by helping users feel more relaxed, but it can also cloud emotional judgement and hinder honest connections between partners. 

First for the positive: cannabis could potentially make you a nicer human being. Recent research looking at cannabis and prosocial behaviour (the bedrock of any interpersonal relationship) found that cannabis can foster more kindness, empathy and moral fairness in users when compared to non-users.

Scientists have also found a link between oxytocin (the ‘love’ hormone) and cannabis. Oxytocin triggers the release of anandamide — the first endocannabinoid to be found in the human body — which functions as a neurotransmitter. Cannabis helps protect against anandamide deterioration, and in turn, enables the delivery of oxytocin, resulting in prosocial behaviour. This played out in one study where mice under the influence of cannabis displayed more positive interactions with other mice than those who were given a placebo. 

When it comes to potentially disrupting romantic relationships, some research highlights that those who already experience high levels of emotional dysregulation and stress are more likely to engage in “problematic cannabis use,” and one study suggests that chronic use can lead to a decrease in emotional intelligence and negatively affect the processing of emotions over time (although the authors concede that THC and CBD can have opposite outcomes). 

Another recent study of 232 cannabis users (men, women and non-binary participants) and their partners found that cannabis users tended to have a distorted view of healthy coping mechanisms when it came to partner conflict. 

Frequent cannabis use was associated with more negative behaviour during conflict and less effective behavioural recovery immediately after conflict. At the same time, cannabis users had a greater satisfaction with conflict resolution immediately after the conflict discussion, despite independent observers finding otherwise. 

Cannabis and romantic relationships: open communication is key

Ultimately, unless you have open and honest communication in your relationship, it won’t matter whether you personally benefit from using cannabis or not. 

From my own experiences — and based on anecdotal evidence from friends who have used cannabis in relationships — both partners need to be on the same page when it comes to consuming cannabis, and both people should already have healthy, non-dependent relationships with cannabis. For couples who use cannabis, it’s beneficial to check-in every so often on how each person is feeling about its role in the relationship. 

As one friend said to me recently: “Don’t get married to your smoking buddy, as that can end up being the only thing you truly have in common.”

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