As a woman in my 50s, it’s perfectly normal to be going through the menopause. But while I’ve always known it was coming, I had never appreciated how bad it would actually be.
Menopause, as all the women’s magazines tell you, happens to us all. A few hot flushes, bit of difficulty sleeping, stick on an HRT patch and you’ll get through.
For many that may well be the case, but the reality for me has been so much worse.
The sweating at night has to be one of the most awful parts. Waking up night after night, dripping in sweat, the bed sheets drenched, has become the normal over the past 18 months.
And once I’m up during the night, I can’t get back to sleep. Regularly I get up at 3 or 4am, and go downstairs to watch whatever appallingly bad TV shows are shown at that hour.
I’ll then find myself falling asleep during the day if I’m at home, which I feel is me slipping further down the slope into old age.
Hot flushes happen all of the time. And when we say hot, it’s not just a case of taking your cardigan off, the heat is incredible.
Regularly I’ll be out at lunch, sitting in just a camisole while everyone else is in jumpers, fanning myself down with whatever beer mat or menu card comes to hand.
I may as well just have Menopausal Woman written on my top as it’s so obvious.
I didn’t think the menopause would affect me so much, and I also didn’t expect to cope this badly with it.
I have always had a fantastic social life, going to dinners and lunches several times a week, and I love getting dressed up.
Since the onset of my menopause, with the tiredness and the unexpected hot flushes in particular, I’ve lost my enjoyment of it all.
The worry you’re going to fall asleep at the dinner table (that has happened before, but thankfully in my own home) or aren’t going to feel great when you’re there has seen me decline so many invitations.
Friends are asking whether I’m OK, whether I’m ‘me’, as this is so out of character.
And in truth, over the last 18 months, I do feel like I’ve lost my old self to quite an extent – although in the last few weeks, I do feel like I’m getting her back thanks to a chance discovery while online shopping.
While browsing for some new shoes, I hadn’t felt like going out that day, I came across one of those pop-up adverts for CBD.
I knew it was associated with cannabis but didn’t really know much more than that, but I continued to shop for heels and forgot about it.
That night, again, I couldn’t sleep. Having watched three back to back Judge Judy episodes, which is surely enough for anyone, that CBD advert came into my mind again.
I’d read a lot about cannabis over the past few years and the wonderful effect it had had on so many children.
I’d never had a personal interest in or connection to cannabis, but the fact people in desperate need had been denied it was something I believed was wrong.
For some reason, I decided to search CBD and menopause. HRT for me had been rubbish, so it was worth some investigation at least.
To my astonishment, there were so many stories about the strong connection between the two, the many benefits there could be, how CBD could help with so many symptoms.
I couldn’t believe it. I’m not sure I believe in fate, but there was a reason that random advert popped up on my shoe site that day.
I bought some CBD in my local shopping centre – it’s perfectly legal and readily available, which is something I hadn’t realised.
I thought it must have been a banned substance because of how it’s spoken about in whispers.
It’s not something I feel I could tell my friends I’m using as I’m not sure how they’d react. But discovering CBD has been the most fantastic thing to happen to me in a long while.
The past few weeks have been so much better. I have enjoyed a good sleep for the first time since my menopause symptoms began and am sleeping through the night again.
I’ve also felt so much better in myself, like I want to make an effort and put my make up on and put some nice clothes on.
If I had anywhere to go at present, I’d love to put my heels and best dresses on and get back out there. While I still have hot flushes they haven’t been anywhere near the extent they were before.
This is probably due in great part to the fact I’m sleeping, and sleep is at the root of so much in terms of quality of life, but CBD is said to have mood lifting properties, so that could well be another benefit.
Nothing else in my routine has changed apart from my use of CBD so I can only conclude that is the reason.
The difference in only a few weeks has been a great surprise. I do feel like I have the confidence to start accepting those invitations again.
The COVID-19 lockdown has come at a good time for me, as CBD is doing its thing for me, and I’m getting myself back to a position where I feel like ‘me’ again.
There is undoubtedly a taboo around the use of CBD, which I think is unwarranted.
I think we are far too closed-minded as a society and we don’t talk about these things which seem a bit awkward.
Even trying to discuss the menopause with some people is a conversation-changer in itself.
I do think I’d get some difficult reactions if I talked about my CBD use, which is a real shame.
I’d love to share my CBD secret with my friends, and perhaps I will at some point. Or perhaps they’re all already using it anyway.
Jenny did not wish to give her full name.
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