“If only my uterus could talk”: The story behind The Endo Monologues

The woman behind unflinching Instagram page The Endo Monologues talks to Cannabis Health about battling to get a diagnosis, using her platform to help others – and why she shouts about CBD at any opportunity.

Jessica* – as she’s known to her followers – asked me not to reveal her surname as she prefers to remain anonymous.

It might seem odd for a social media star with almost 6,000 followers to shy away from the limelight, but it’s not Jessica they’re there for – it’s Patricia, her angry uterus.

The 29-year-old, who has endometriosis – a chronic condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb starts to grow in other places and reacts with the menstrual cycle each month – launched her Instagram account The Endo Monologues at the turn of 2020.

It came about after a few too many drinks on New Year’s Eve (as all good ideas do) and an upsetting incident at work where a colleague assumed her bloated stomach was a baby bump.

“When I have a flare I bloat and it tends to look as if I’m pregnant,” says Jessica.

“I thought, that is a really offensive question. I was telling my friends about it at the pub and I said ‘if only my uterus could talk’.

She adds: “After a couple too many, I announced I was going to start a blog from the perspective of my uterus.”

The satirical diary of a woman and her reproductive organs as they battle endometriosis, adenomyosis, vaginismus and vulvodynia was born.

Endometriosis is the second most common gynecological condition in the UK, affecting around one in 10 UK women – although frequent misdiagnosis and a lack of understanding and awareness mean this figure could well be higher.

Symptoms include pain, nausea, intense fatigue and in some cases infertility – with sufferers experiencing heavy, excruciatingly painful periods, and many like Jessica being completely debilitated by their menstrual cycle each month.

It takes an average of seven and a half years to get a diagnosis. Jessica battled for around a decade before she got hers.

“I started my period when I was 11 and they would last two or three weeks at a time, but my mum and grandmother all had a similar experience so it was just perceived to be normal in my family,” she says. “I just pushed it to the back of my mind.”

Over the years medics dismissed her as just having ‘bad periods’, but by her early 20s they were leaving her bed-bound each month, she was missing university and it was becoming painful to have sex.

Still, Jessica says she wasn’t taken seriously, with one doctor suggesting it was a result of her ‘being promiscuous’.

Others ran tests which appeared to come back clear. All returned with the same conclusion – she just had heavy periods.

It wasn’t until a routine check-up for the contraceptive pill where a nurse mentioned a note on her file of suspected endometriosis.

“I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about,” remembers Jessica.

“After that, I was rushed through and referred to a gynaecologist.

“In August 2016, I had a laparoscopy and there was endometriosis on both my ovaries, bowel, bladder and my pouch-of-Douglas and it was stage four – so really deep infiltrating endometriosis.”

In January 2019 Jessica travelled to London to visit a stockist of the US brand Foria, which is renowned for its products geared towards supporting women’s health.

“I don’t like taking painkillers and I had smoked cannabis before in Amsterdam and it had helped with my symptoms, so I thought I’ve got nothing to lose at this point,” she says.

“I ended up buying the CBD lube and a vape.

“In the last year I’ve started to explore more CBD products and I’m actually at a point now where I barely ever take pharmaceutical painkillers, I can rely completely on CBD.”

Jessica now takes around 30-40mg a day – upping her dose if she’s having a particularly bad pain flare – and uses balm and muscle cream on specific areas.

Meanwhile, CBD lube has allowed her to have penetrative sex with her boyfriend again.

“I have vaginismus [when the vaginal muscles automatically tighten up whenever penetration is attempted] that came as a consequence of having really negative experiences with pelvic exams, so not only did it hurt to have sex, but I was also involuntarily tensing,”Jessica explains.

“We use CBD lube every time now and for the most part it relaxes me, I can actually enjoy having sex.”

Jessica’s boyfriend, who she has been with for most of her post-diagnosis journey, is one of the few people who know about her secret internet identity.

The Endo Monologues, which began as a personal wellbeing project, is now a place thousands of fellow sufferers turn to for advice and a sense of community.

“It just exploded – the fact that I’m now near to 6000 followers just absolutely blows my mind,” she says.

“It’s helped my wellbeing tremendously but it’s also really connected me to other people. I’ve made some really lovely friends and get messages every week from people thanking me.”

Jessica continues: “I feel very privileged that people trust me and ask for my advice because there’s a lot of misinformation out there.

“I feel like it’s my responsibility now to spread awareness and make sure people get the right support and education.

“It’s not just a wellbeing project for me anymore, it’s a port of call for people to get information and that’s something I feel really strongly about.”

Jessica also uses her platform to share recommendations and reviews of her favourite CBD products, with brands queuing up to feature on her blog.

“I never expected to have so many companies contacting me,” she says.

“I have become really passionate about it because it’s made such a difference to my life. CBD means I can function on a day to day basis. If I forget to take it for a day or two, I literally can’t get out of bed.”

And she’s the first to admit she will mention it at any given opportunity.

She laughs: “Whenever I get asked for recommendations I’m just like ‘have you tried CBD?’”

Find Jessica at www.theendomonologues.com and on Instagram @theendomonologues