“I could be a better father with cannabis as my medicine”

Leigh Hardwick lives with chronic pain and mental health issues.

Dad-to-be, Leigh Hardwick believes his medical cannabis prescription will allow him to be a better father when the time comes, but unable to work to sustain the crippling costs, he faces a future reliant on opioids.

Fifteen years ago, Leigh Hardwick, was the victim of a violent attack.

In the early hours of the morning at the front door of his flat, he was hit on the head 20 to 30 times with a brick at the hands of a stranger. 

At the hospital he was cleaned up and X-Rayed, but was never given a brain scan or offered any psychological support. He was sent home a few hours later with four stitches and a prescription for a packet of painkillers.

No one was ever changed with the attack, but the incident changed the course of Leigh’s life.

He experienced horrendous night terrors and turned to drink and drugs to self-medicate for symptoms which he now knows to be a result of PTSD.

The “impulsive behaviour” and a “lack of self control” he describes at the time, led to him getting in trouble with the police and serving two years in prison for drug-related offences.

“The mental health issues all started at the attack. The anxiety, depression, PTSD, addiction and recreational drug use was accelerated massively by my self-medicating to cope with the PTSD symptoms that I didn’t understand at the time,” says Leigh, now 36. 

After experiencing pain since birth, Leigh had been diagnosed with idiopathic scoliosis at the age of 23. He used his time in prison to focus on his health, exercising and attending counselling where he was then diagnosed with PTSD.

But after injuring his back through training he was prescribed codeine, which he pinpoints as the beginning of his problem with pharmaceuticals. 

“Upon release I worked hard but I had struggled mentally to adjust,” he recalls.

“After losing some very close relatives I had trouble sleeping again and started to abuse sleeping tablets and benzodiazepines for anxiety.

“My work was being affected and I had a six month absence due to panic attacks and stress, including suicidal thoughts. I was put onto anti-depressants, but nothing improved.”

Leigh sought help through his GP, but despite his scoliosis, doctors decided to detox him from all of his pain medication.

“Because of the addiction and part-substance dependence on the diazepam, it was treated as though every substance I was using I was addicted to unnecessarily. When actually, some of them were needed,” he says.

Leigh was prescribed the opioid substitute, Buprenorphine, leaving him with no pain relief.

Leigh Hardwick has had a legal prescription since January.

“It was horrendous, I was in agony, but received no counselling or support and was continually disbelieved about the pain I was in,” he says.

“I was treated like an addict when really I needed a pain clinic.

“It’s very difficult once you are involved in a drug detox service you’re then tarred with that brush.”

Due to his pain, Leigh was unable to work and over the next few years his mental and physical health deteriorated.

After two years trying to get a referral he detoxed himself from Buprenorphine and a few months later re-presented to the doctor, clean but suffering debilitating pain.

He was referred to rheumatology for tests and a neurophysiological scan and his pain was treated with a cocktail of drugs including, dihydracodeine, gabbapentin and diazepam.

“I was back in front of him in agony, needing scans and painkillers, and so I started back on the carousel,” says Leigh.

“All together, I was prescribed 22 tablets per day at one time and I stuck to my prescriptions but I felt like a zombie. My symptoms were barely under control and I was unable to attend work most of the time. 

“Over the four years I was taking these medications I lost touch with myself.

“The combination left me ‘existing’ but with no quality of life. I’d decided the world was better off without me and had zero interest in living.”

Then last year, Leigh’s wife and partner of 11 years, shocked him with the news that she was expecting their first child. 

He aimed to get completely clean, using Rick Simpson Oil and THC flower illicitly to cope with the withdrawal symptoms, while he reduced his other medication. 

“Cannabis helps with pain, but also with sleep, the muscle twitching and the IBS symptoms. It definitely helped me through the process,” he admits.

“I had no idea medical cannabis was legal at that point, until someone mentioned Project Twenty21 in a group chat, but I put off looking into it for fear of disappointment.”

In January of this year, Leigh had his first consultation with a leading pain specialist at The Medical Cannabis Clinics.

“In my initial consultation I was understood, I was listened to and treated like an adult. It was a really refreshing experience,” he says.

“It is not a cure. I’m not jumping around, by any means. I do still suffer pain most days and struggle with mobility, but it’s more about the lack of side effects from the other drugs that I was taking.”

But unable to work and relying on disability benefits, funding the monthly £680 private prescription long-term, is unsustainable for Leigh, even with the support of Project Twenty21.

His wife currently supports him with her income, but he only has enough savings for around two more months and has already had to go back on some of his prescription drugs to help reduce the costs.

Leigh also has to fund private mental health support and counselling, as he is no longer able to access NHS services due to his previous drug use.

“It’s just a matter of time until we’re unable to afford it anymore,” he says.

“If money wasn’t an issue and I could access as much cannabis as I need for my conditions, I believe I could probably function as a normal human being in society, albeit with pain issues.

“I could probably go back to work, if it was a part time job where I sitting down.”

He fears that if he has to go back to relying solely on opioids and depressants, he won’t be able to be the father he hopes to be to his soon-to-be-born daughter.

“My main focus and priority now is being the best father that I can be,” says Leigh.

“The best way that I can do that is with cannabis as my medicine. It’s definitely the way I am most in charge of my thoughts and the most competent.

“Previously, I was totally disinterested in life. I had a consistent mantra in my mind, that was, if anything goes wrong, at least I can kill myself. I was on the verge of that for years, but that option is gone now, because I’ve got a child and that’s also not what I want for myself or for my family.”

He adds: “The worry is, if I reduce the cannabis and take on other medications I may become disconnected again and that will emotionally close me off.”

During lockdown this year, Leigh connected with other medical cannabis patients and helped set up an online support group. 

Along with his co-founders, Sylv, Ryan Holmwood  and Dominic Stenning, he guides others through the process of approaching healthcare professionals and accessing a prescription, as well as campaigning for ‘fair access’ to cannabis-based medicines on the NHS and to change societal and cultural views.

But supporting other patients has had benefits for Leigh too, giving him something positive to focus on. 

“I’ve contributed to negativity to society and I suppose this is my way of trying to make reparations for that, to try and swing the karma balance back a bit,” he adds.

“I’m really thankful to everyone we’ve supported, for their feedback and ongoing help that’s given me so much over the last four months. 

“I don’t think there’s anything better you could do, than to help disabled people live a better life.”

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