Cannabis and motherhood: “My children get to see me smile more”

Alex* has lived with chronic pain as a result of nerve damage for around a decade. Cannabis has improved her quality of life more than any other treatment, but the stigma and judgement she has faced forces her to hide it from everyone – even now she has a legal prescription.

Cannabis was first recommended to Alex by a pain specialist several years ago.

Her doctor “lamented” the fact he couldn’t prescribe it and urged her to use it rather than opiates, as cannabis would “do less damage”. 

The 31-year-old mum-of-two has lived with chronic pain as a result of nerve damage for around 10 years.

Uncomfortable accessing cannabis at first, she battled with the negative side effects of prescription painkillers until she fell pregnant with her first child.

“I had to wean off them to ensure my eldest was born healthy, and I stayed off of them, despite the severe pain, because I didn’t feel I could be a present mother while feeling like a zombie,” says Alex. 

“I was recently given tramadol to help me after having surgery for something unrelated to my health condition, I could barely drag myself out of bed.”

Alex had a spinal cord stimulator implant put in to help with her pain, but it wasn’t enough on its own.

“I would wake up feeling like I’d failed the day before it had even started because I knew it would be a struggle,” she says.

“If I had to rely on my husband more than I’d like, I would feel like a failure. If I couldn’t pick my kids up because it was too painful to do so, I was a failure. If I couldn’t get washing or cleaning done, or if I had to rest more than I’d like, I always felt like a failure.”

It was Alex’s husband who eventually convinced her to try cannabis, initially accessing it from the street as she was unaware that legal prescriptions were an option for patients in the UK. 

“It doesn’t get rid of [the pain] completely, but it takes the edge off enough that I’m able to function without doing myself harm,” she says.

“My pain improved, and with it my mental health. Using cannabis has improved my quality of life more than any other medical intervention I’ve had over the past 10 years.”

But with two children under the age of three, Alex hid her cannabis use from everyone but her closest family out of fear that she would be being judged on her capability as a mother. 

“People seemed to disapprove of a parent using any kind of painkiller to get through the day,” she says.

“Countless times people have said to me that they were told that they shouldn’t have had children if they can’t get through the day without being medicated. 

“I’ve never forgotten that, it has haunted me since becoming a mother.”

Alex had no choice but to stop accessing cannabis illegally after a neighbour complained and reported her to the local council. 

She received a warning, based on the fact that it was being used by a parent of young children and it had “raised concerns”.

The fact that she never consumed it near her children, or that it was being used medicinally were not considered, she says.

She was forced to go without pain relief until finding out about Project Twenty21 last year, a UK scheme aiming to create the largest body of evidence for the efficacy of medical cannabis, through subsidising prescriptions for patients and collecting data on their outcomes. 

Alex now has a prescription for cannabis oil, which has improved her quality of life and allowed her to be a better parent.

“Now when I wake up I know that the pain is controlled enough that I can manage more,” she says.

“I’ve always done my best to be a good mum, before the cannabis I was hurting myself to give my children the best I could, and I did it gladly. 

“I didn’t care if I suffered more so long as they had everything they needed. 

“I may never be able to parent the way a perfectly healthy person could, I may always have more limitations than most, but now I can manage without doing myself harm and my amazing children get to see me smile more because I feel better.”

But despite her best efforts to protect herself and her family, Alex hasn’t escaped negative reactions.

Even after having a prescription, she describes being mocked by nurses, after telling them she took cannabis oil, who insinuated that she was “just another druggy making excuses” when they thought she was out of ear shot.

“People need to be educated, they assume because it’s illegal it must be bad and they won’t look past that,” she says.

But she admits she can understand why people react negatively when they hear of a parent consuming cannabis due to the stigma attached to it.

“I probably would have been one of those judgmental people before I understood, but my husband has helped to educate me and in doing so he’s helped get me to a place I never thought I’d be,” she says.

“You’ll always have people who think it shouldn’t be used by someone who is responsible for children, but I don’t spend my day stoned. But I am completely aware and attentive, probably more so than a person that’s had a couple of drinks after a hard day.”

Alex adds: “It’s a catch 22 I feel, in that people like me probably need to spread the word to help lessen the stigma, but as long as there is that stigma, we aren’t comfortable having that conversation because we don’t want to be judged as a bad parent.”

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of those in the story

In the run up to our women’s health webinar on Tuesday 3 August, we are sharing the stories of mothers who have found cannabis medicines helpful in the management of their health conditions – and how they’ve coped with stigma from the rest of society. 

The second episode in this ground-breaking series, will focus on the complexities facing mothers who are both prescribed medical cannabis and those whose children require cannabis medicines to manage their conditions.

Join speakers Hannah Deacon, patient advocate and mum-of-six, Gillian Flood and clinicians Dr Sally Ghazaleh, pain management consultant at the Whittington Hospital and Women’s Health Consultant at Integro Clinics, and Sarah Higgins CNS, women’s health lead at CPASS to explore cannabis and motherhood on Tuesday 3 August at 7pm.

The webinar is free of charge, register here